Hans Thoma. Forest Meadow. Kunsthalle Hamburg.
Forgiveness is such a difficult thing, Lord. Forgiveness of self, forgiveness of family members, forgiveness of political, cultural, and institutional evil, and yes, forgiveness of You for not giving us the life we expected. But, I also hear many miraculous stories of rape victims and concentration camp survivors who have somehow been able to forgive their tormentors of the most horrendous evil. You did that from the cross. Why then is it so difficult for us, whose lives are rooted in and dependent on Your mercy, to forgive those we love the most—our family and closest friends?
How often You must have to listen to these utterly predictable complaints. “I am still so hurt by what my parents did to me all those years ago. My sister will never change. My friend mistreated me. I don’t need any of them; I have made a wonderful life without them.”
That darkness is in me, too—it is called unforgiveness. You have made it clear that if I choose to hold on to my resentment and anger, You cannot set me free from the knots of my painful and twisted relationships. Will I confront that darkness and allow my heart to expand, or will I let it continue to wither from demanding love rather than offering it? It is well to remember that forgiveness was never a choice. It is an imperative, a command.
“Jesus, how many times do I have to forgive them when they keep offending me? Seven times?
Jesus answered, ‘Not seven times, but seventy times seven times!’ “1
Forgiveness from the heart is very, very difficult. In fact, without You, it is impossible. Unforgiveness is unforgivable. Without forgiveness, there can be no genuine love and no reconciliation leading to healed relationships. Throughout Scripture, You call me to live in a constant state of forgiveness. Jesus lived in forgiveness and died in forgiveness. Jesus is the embodiment of love. How can I, in my broken humanity, ever become free enough within myself to choose to love and forgive those who have wounded me so deeply?
Unconditional forgiveness is the only authentic ground of any human relationship. You place no limits on Your forgiving love, so to forgive is to participate in the mystery of Your divine life. You take the mud and silt of our common humanity and transform it by grace, resting on the foundation stone of forgiveness. I am beginning to catch a glimpse of this great mystery of forgiveness by listening intently for Your gentle, soft inner voice calling me home to Your heart which is mercy. Your mercying love has existed from the beginning of time, long before human love ever touched us. Forgiveness is only made possible by Your love that offers me what human love is incapable of offering. I practice this forgiveness again and again in the ordinary circumstances You have put me.
So, I sit in the deep quiet with You and ponder my sacred choices. Do I hang on to humiliations and keep myself paralyzed by them? Do I continue to give space to voices that continually demean and judge those who have hurt me? Again and again, day after day, month after month, I come to ask for Your help to find and hold myself in Your mercy. As I continue to choose to let go of my resentment and desire for retribution—however fair such punishment may seem—my focus slowly shifts to Your mercy. I find myself much more tolerant of the failings of others. The wound is never wholly forgotten, but the power to hold me trapped in a continual replay of the event is broken. My heart slowly opens to a new way of seeing, and my heart begins to move from resentment to gratitude. One day, my bitterness is gone, and I find I can love them anyway. I can live in miraculous compassion embraced by You, whose name is Mercy. I am free.
Betty shares more about God’s mercying love in this video.